Name the Feeling

That sounds frustrating lands before the fix plan - name the emotion so nobody is guessing.

Key Concept

• “That sounds frustrating” before “here's what to do.”
• Level 1: Say that sounds frustrating before you hand someone a to-do list - like nodding at a friend who is upset before you suggest a fix.
• Level 2: Name the feeling first - that sounds frustrating - before here is what to do.
• Level 3: Name-the-feeling validates emotion before prescription - otherwise advice lands like dismissal.
• Level 4: One sentence of empathy buys permission for the fix - skip it and you are correcting, not helping.
• Level 5: Listen Before Fixing and Emotional Regulation share the order - feeling heard precedes being helped.
• Naming the emotion lowers defensiveness so the fix can land.
• Listen Before Fixing comes first - hear it, label it, then steer.
• Skip the label and I am guessing at the problem while they are still proving I did not get it.
• That sounds frustrating lands before my fix plan.
• I name the emotion so we are not guessing.
• I say that sounds frustrating before I hand them a fix plan.

Examples

• A player slumped on the bench after a bad quarter - I said “you look wiped” before I drew up the next play.
• My kid came home furious about homework and naming the unfair feeling beat jumping straight to just do it.

Note Relationships